March 2020--I’ll get this out front and center: I’m obsessed with Hallmark movies. I didn’t used to be. I’ll admit I’m a late bloomer and never really understood what all the fuss was about. That is, until the fall of 2016.
In August of 2016 I found a lump. After weeks of scans, blood tests, biopsies and more, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. In September, I started the first of six rounds of R-CHOP chemotherapy and seemed to be handling it pretty decently. I was still able to work and do most things, with the exception of the week following the treatment when my white blood cells dropped drastically. They’d go back up a week later and I’d feel good for about five days. Then I’d get zapped again.
By November, my brain was telling me I could still do it all, but my body was telling me to chill. That’s when I took a leave from work. That’s also when I started a new routine—one that very rarely allowed me to move from the couch.
I soon realized every time I picked up a book to read, I fell asleep. And I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to be awake. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted my brain to stay stimulated, so I tried different books, but to no avail. I was now sleeping 22 hours a day.
I wasn’t used to being home so I really didn’t know what was on TV, but one day I grabbed the remote and turned on the television. Can’t remember now if it was set to the Hallmark Channel or if I found it while flipping through the stations, but there it was—my first Hallmark movie—and a Christmas one at that.
I instantly became obsessed. Was she going to get back with the former flame?
Did he really want to leave the small town? The two who seemingly disliked each other—were they going to end up together? And, oh my, he turned out to be a prince—like a real one—with a crown and a castle. And a mother who didn’t approve of his choice of an “American girl.”
Little did I know at that time pretty much the plots are all the same. When the first movie was over, another was beginning. And I watched that with the same intent. Different characters. Same plot. It didn’t matter. They all had people picking out a Christmas tree, wrapping presents, shopping, enjoying hot chocolate and a freshly made treat in the local bakery, making snowmen and having snowball fights. And then there were the puppies—the adorable furry fellows that always attracted the attention of someone special when the human couldn’t.
Bottom line: I was staying awake. The movies caught my attention and filled a need. I had very little contact with the outside world. I wasn’t working. I wasn’t joining friends for dinner. Heck, I wasn’t even joining my husband for dinner. I couldn’t have anyone come over—catching a cold could be serious. That’s when my addiction to hot chocolate got pretty serious. Hot chocolate with marshmallows—always with marshmallows. Is there any other way?
So my contact with the outside world became the people in these movies. People like Danica McKellar, Lacey Chabert, Paul Greene, Jesse Schram, Andrew Walker, Autumn Reese, Taylor Cole, Holly Peete, Jesse Metcalfe, Niall Matter—the list goes on. I had my favorites and looked forward to seeing them—even if it was a rerun. I learned quickly enough if you miss a movie, no worries, it would be on 70 more times in the next month.
One of the main reasons I became so infatuated with these movies is they took me to a happy place—a small town with a gazebo, a quaint church steeple, a festival celebrating a fruit or vegetable and a couple who reunites. Oh, and of course, a kitchen full of people throwing flour at each other while making Christmas cookies and a street lined with carolers. At that time, I needed to be in a happy place—if not physically, then at least emotionally.
Like clockwork I’d turn on the television, get my mug and fill it with hot chocolate and marshmallows to watch my movie. Excuse me—that should be movies. I would cheer when the one I would have picked won the top prize in the baking contest, laugh when the puppy knocked all the ornaments off the tree and cry when it looked like two people meant to be together weren’t going to be together.
And for several hours I was staying awake. For several hours I wasn’t thinking about treatments, scans, blood tests and how awful I felt. I wasn’t anxious about what the next treatment was going to be like or what the next scan was going to reveal. Instead, I was in a happy place with “friends.” With each new movie, I was making new friends—like Taylor Cole, Brendan Penny, Tyler Hynes, Candace Cameron Bure, Rukiya Bernard, Dewshane Williams, Italia Ricci and Luke McFarlane—and the list is still growing.
These movies got me through a rough stretch and for that I feel indebted to Hallmark. These movies took me away. Now that I’m back, I still curl up on the couch and grab the remote to see if by chance one is going to come on that I haven’t already seen a dozen times. My hot chocolate is now in my Hallmark-movie-watching mug—and of course, loaded with marshmallows.
Take it one day at a time.....
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